Hashbrown – Penthouse Caretaker
Troublemaker, bad attitude, but would sue for emotional damages in case of termination so we’re stuck with him. (Kidding we love the little shithead.) Thinks he’s special because he’s in the penthouse, but it’s more so he won’t beat up Potato. Will loop Bleach forever.
Potato – Spud Team Lead
Watches horror to avoid felonies. Perpetual bad butt mullet hair day. Does his best. Existential despair with his morning coffee. Favorite movie is Martyrs. Somehow it just speaks to him.
Latte – Anxiety Department
There to make sure someone is taking your problem seriously even if it does not exist. Feeling cute. May have a breakdown later, idk. Howl’s Moving Castle is life, but also kind of scary.
Nougat – Assistant Manager
Title and responsibilities without the raise. Favorite movie is Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Not allowed cosplay whip for Honey’s safety. No time for your nonsense.
Honey – Pity Hire
Looks cute. Must be protected at all costs. Not allowed near legal documents or anything with a password. Favorite movie is Mean Girls.
Sugar – Office Security
Left the job for bigger and better things. Didn’t realize economy was crap and has returned. Still no raise. Breaks plates in the breakroom and blames it on Honey.
Mocha – Trainer
Too old for this shit. Identifies problems (no veggies) and locates solutions (screaming). Starts staff protests for more benefits. Old movies and war film–nothing you’re old enough to have seen.
Coffee Bean – Director of First Impressions
She’s bald. She’s sassy. She will get you the EXACT information you need when you need it how you need it and somehow make you feel bad for needing it. Needs a raise. You’ve never heard of her favorite movie so don’t even ask.
Odin – Floor Manager
Honorary potato. They don’t know he’s not a guinea pig. Shh. Don’t tell them.